Lu Garigami Walks Into a Bar

Lu decided to play hookey from work today. He went to the loyal bar and ordered himself a pint of Guinness. Disgusting beer, he thought. Better than a day drenched in motor oil. Lu, Donald James, and another Donald he had heard of were the only inhabitants of the pub at that particular hour, which happened to be 10 o-clock in the morning. The other Donald had a last name which sounded Russian or Ukranian, which Lu couldn't pronounce and had no intention of learning how to pronounce. While Lu and Donald were drinking beer, the other Donald was sipping lightly on a glass of cranberry juice. Lu, feeling slighly amiable, decided to inquire about his effeminate beverage. 

"What you drinking juice at bar for?"

"Well, if you must know, it helps my urinary system. Besides, it's much too early for alcohol." 

"Hey, it's five o-clock somewhere!" and with that, Lu excused himself from a conversation he knew he would 

regret later. 

Lu was prepared to wait until a moderately attractive woman entered the bar until he struck up any more dialogue. ]Just when he thought he would have a few more hours of silence, he heard Donald James yell in a gravely drunked stupor, "You on your period or what!?!" and then smash a beer bottle on Donald Batzcavich's head. Lu ran over to Donald, towering over the other Donald, now in the fetal position. Lu wound up his grease-stained arm and unleashed the crouching tiger in Donald's face. 

"It's fo his urinary track!"